Wednesday, January 29, 2020

Can the Head of the Household Abdicate His Moral Responsibility To His Divorced Wife?

One of the things I take seriously is my moral responsibility when I am placed in authority (power and control). Often this makes me extremely impatient when I perceive rebellion. Ultimately, I'm the one who will be held account to God, and I want to do a good job. I work hard, because I don't want to be the weak leader that frustrates me when I have to follow someone incompetent. "Just get out of the way, already and step down if you're going to be lazy or incompetent."

When there are those under me, for which I have moral authority, begin usurping and undermining my rule, I get angry. There's a difference between correction when I'm wrong, and a Gamma, passive-aggressive, insubordination. From my most, loyal lieutenants, I want them correcting me. I don't even care if it's in public. I have full confidence that, in the end, they will enact my will.

When I get a whiff of Gamma, I get disgusted and I want them out of the organization in which I am responsible for. 

Sometimes, these Gamma types are women, are within a church, or are in positions for which it is difficult to find a replacement. For those within a position that I cannot easily replace, I am forced to have to manage their constant, passive aggressive failures. I am required to give them counseling, and feedback regarding their performance. I am obligated to, because I have to hold them accountable to their job because the rest of the team is counting on me to do so.

My role as the leader is to hold people accountable to do their position competently and correctly. When one body part fails to function correctly, the rest of the body suffers. Because I'm at the head, I'm looked at to provide discipline or to replace the non-functioning body part.

These lessons I learned when I was overseeing over 100 employees in my hotels. My managers knew I would fire them for insubordination. My managers knew that ultimately it was my will that needed to be enacted. 

The ones I got along with were the ones who enacted my will. I welcomed their input and criticism because I didn't know everything. Usually, I would enact what they think is best, but everyone knew, it was "my way or the highway."

The managers and employees I did not get along with were the ones who sneered and resented my placement in authority. They had done things a certain way, and they weren't interested in changing. I tried multiple times to convince them in private (explaining my complex reasoning), but they continued and undermined my requests.

They either could not understand the bigger picture, or chose their own pride, and rebellion. They resented the hierarchy that existed. Eventually, they either quit or I had to fire them when their insubordination was worse than if they were gone.


I lead numerous worship bands and taken leadership roles in various churches. My focus was on achieving the mission. I think that in God's Kingdom, sometimes you allow the mission and team to suffer for the sake of an individual "weak link."

Honestly, the thought of this disgusts me. Why did Jesus allow Judas to remain in the 12 to eventually betray him? If I were Jesus, I would had kicked him out and had him replaced. Of course, Jesus' mission was to be betrayed, but if I were one of the other 11 disciples, I would probably start getting frustrated why Jesus wasn't exercising his leadership role. Or maybe, they just didn't realize Judas was going to betray Jesus. 

Other times, I would be the follower. I can be a team player, but only for competent and talented people. At Mars Hill Church, I was the keyboard player for Dustin Kensrue. I don't know how long I played for, but I could tell he was talented and competent. He knew what he wanted, and I simply followed.

There are sometimes when I am in a church, and the leader that has the moral responsibility, I volunteer to support him. They are incompetent or lazy. I try to bring up things to their attention, but we just diverge on perspective. I get frustrated trying to confront them about it, and I leave the organization like wiping the dust off my feet.

Depending on how close I am with various individuals in the church I'm leaving, I may contact some select individuals and warn them that they should probably leave too, if they can. It depends on the severity. One time it was a divorced, Youth Pastor that did not fit the Elder requirements due to his previous adultery. But, perhaps that's a story for another time.

As the battle that exists with American Churches, the split between Protestants, Catholics, Eastern-Orthodox, etc. is a question of Moral Authority. 

Christians have the term, "Schism." Or "Church Splits" in America.

This fight over who has the Moral Authority in the spiritual realm sometimes lead to bloodshed. Both sides believe they are on the side of God.

This becomes important for my next point.


"If you can't submit to my headship, just leave. I will not tolerate your rebellion."

When someone no longer wants to follow you, there's no amount of begging, reasoning, or pretty much anything you can do to convince them to follow you. This is a choice made entirely by the follower of whom they want to follow. Often times, they just want to be the leader and are bitter they aren't.

The Rational Male talks about this in more detail on maintaining your frame and general Game.

Let's look at the head's options of a family member with a rebellious heart that says: "I do not accept your moral authority over my life and I will not submit."

1) Surrender. Just do things the way they want to do it. They are now the de-facto leader while you maintain the Moral Responsibility. You will be held morally responsible for the consequences (which are usually not good).

2) Scare them into submission perhaps by getting angry and with threats. This will only build resentment, and in the end they will simply leave with extra bitterness when they can get their way. Expect a lot of passive-aggressive undermining going on leading to outright rebellion in a vengeful manner.

3) Convince them with logic & reason so they see your way. This rarely works, especially when it's an issue of Pride. Also, when making hard decisions, you are weighing various risk factors and everyone weighs differently what are acceptable risks or not. 

4) Cry, and beg them to do it your way. Really?

5) Ignore them and do it your way anyway. Remove every responsibility that you have given them if they cannot complete it in a competent manner. After about the 3rd time, you should understand they are failing intentionally. This is probably the best option as hopefully their rebellious spell just goes away when they know you'll just move on without them. You may have to do more work yourself now that you can't count on them, but it's better to do it yourself when it will get done, then by someone who is passive-aggressive and will work to undermine and sabotage the results anyway. It'll only piss you off, and you're an idiot for trusting them in the first place.

Don't set them up for failure when you know they reject your authority.

6) "Servant Leadership." This is just bull-shit term starting around 1975 that makes no sense practically speaking. I'm pretty sure it was created by Complementarianists to get around being called, "Sexist" by the feminists at that time. Here's the frequency of the word. It's a fake word.

It sounds great, and there's a lot of lip service, but this cannot be seen in any other way but Surrender. For a rebellious family member, they won't suddenly be "won over" by your constant surrendering to their rebellion. In addition, the "surrendering" you are doing is often to the detriment of the other family members. They will resent you for making their lives suffer more. It is rare that the "surrendering" you are doing is something that only affects you and not other family members.

In essence, if someone has a rebellious heart, there is nothing you can do to change it, except to pray for them. Remember, that even Christ, being perfect, could not "convince" Judas from betraying him. Even God, in all his wrath and punishment during the Old Testament, could not "convince" or scare the Israelite's from constant rebellion.

Betrayal and rebellion should be an expected part of any leadership role you take. In your businesses, you must weed them out by terminating them as soon as possible (See "Corporate Cancer" by Vox Day).

In family, you can't necessarily divorce your wife for rebellion, but that's your fault for not vetting her more carefully. Now you deal with it, and live in the corner of your house if you have to. But do not back down from your moral authority and responsibility over the household. If she Divorces you, thank God he ended your suffering. Be prepared for when that day comes.

I think with children, you can and you should be willing to follow the same principles. Just let them go. Don't beg them to stay. Let them go their way, as in the Prodigal Son. The father did not beg for the son to remain. God & Jesus never begged people to follow him. You live your life in Truth by example. They will choose or choose not to follow you.

Remember, only the Holy Spirit can change a rebellious heart. Remember, even your heart is rebellious toward God and it was changed not by your works, but by God's power.

Rebellion is the default status of our hearts beginning from the original rebellion against God by Adam.

The most important thing to remember is that the rebellious person often believes they are acting in God's Will and that your moral authority is illegitimate. You really think you're going to be convincing anyone to think differently?


After reviewing the New Testament Household Codes. I am of the belief that even when a rebellious, divorcing wife attempts to steal your children from your household, you still have moral authority and responsibility over the children.

In context of Roman Family Law and Apostle Paul, this matches his model. The children are part of the father's household and do not leave with a divorcing wife.

The perverse, legal system of today makes no changes to God's Design.

It is the father, who will ultimately be held accountable for the raising of his children. Of course, I believe God would make considerations if there are Government guns pointed at you that prevent you from exercising your moral authority, but to the degree that you can exercise your moral authority as head of the household, you must.

Divorce, the kidnapping of your children, and theft of your household goods does not change your moral responsibility.

Consider, that if any other outside party were to kidnap your children and steal half your household goods, your moral responsibility would not shrink in the slightest. It makes no difference that the kidnapper and thief is your wife. It does, however, make it all the more perverse and evil.

The moral responsibility was placed upon you by God, and God did not suddenly shift that moral responsibility to your rebellious wife through her her abominable actions.

The new household she created for herself through theft and rebellion is an abomination of God's design. She can never legitimately exercise moral authority in an artificial household that only exists by the evil laws of man. Even if you chop off your dick, legally change your name to "Sally" and have the law designate you as a female, you're still a man in God's eyes.
16 There are six things that the Lord hates,
    seven that are an abomination to him:
17 haughty eyes, a lying tongue,
    and hands that shed innocent blood,
18 a heart that devises wicked plans,
    feet that make haste to run to evil,
19 a false witness who breathes out lies,
    and one who sows discord among brothers.
Note in the verses below, it's always the husband, or male of the household. This most likely coincides with Roman Family Law of the eldest male having moral responsibility in the household.
He must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive, 5 for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God's church? 
1 Timothy 3:4, ESV

Let deacons each be the husband of one wife, managing their children and their own households well. 
1 Timothy 3:12, ESV

But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
1 Timothy 5:8, ESV

The entire Progressive, Feminist, Globalist Agenda of destroying Christian Institutions and family structures has been a disastrous experience for children over the past 50 years. It simply cannot be maintained. History will look back at this time with contempt at the men and women who perverted and rebelled against God's design, and the weak, Christian men who did not fight against it.

Deus Vult. Logos Rising.
The grass withers, the flower fades,
but the word of our God will stand forever.

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