I am thankful my ex-wife never gave me an ultimatum of either submitting to her headship or her filing a divorce. She probably would not had said it in those kinds of words, but the intent would still be there. It would probably start with "little" things, and as she sees that I have lost my backbone, will slowly creep in to take over the rest of the leadership in the household.
I think my ex-wife understood my nature. Of course, I would bend the knee. . . initially. . . but after a certain amount of time came about, and me realizing just how much her foolish decisions were forcing me to clean-up after her and sacrifice the bottom line, I would had revolted and assumed my position as head of household. By then, I'd probably made the decision that I would prefer her divorcing me rather than have myself and my children be lead by her incompetent leadership.
If my ex-wife was competent, and usually made the correct decisions, I wouldn't had minded deferring to her judgment. It's called "delegation." As long as everyone understood that I would be ultimately responsible (and have the final say), I don't mind trying out someone else's idea when it is better than mine. I would probably be quite relieved there was someone competent I could bounce my ideas off of.
Instead, my ex-wife is a walking time-bomb of bad ideas. If you were to take a record of all the ideas she had that were contrary to mine, you would probably see about a 95% rate of me ultimately being correct. My ability to strategize and predict future events were God-like compared to her inability to see past her own fears that kept her paralyzed from taking any action.
Why was I so unyielding to her foolishness?
- Incompetent leadership pisses me off, especially if I have to bear the consequences.
- I would bear the consequences of all her incompetent decisions because I was the sole income earner.
- I would be the one judged, not her, for the direction of the family by my adult children (when they grow up enough to understand).
- She is completely illiterate in the dialectic, doesn't know what the scientific method is, and is incapable of basic reasoning.
- I would be held accountable by God "...because you have listened to the voice of your wife." When the reasoning of her decisions, and with her track record of being consistently wrong, how could I ever use the excuse, “The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit of the tree, and I ate.” ?
There were some pivotal disagreements we had that I could had easily succumbed to her foolish thinking. The best it would had provided me was perhaps a couple more years of torturous marriage with her. That's hardly a reward for appeasement.
One major area of contention was moving to Puerto Rico from the paradise of Orange County, California. I could had bent the knee and never made the move because of her fear. From that decision alone, the monetary tax savings we made more than makes up for the asset rape that is still pending. At the very worst, they balance out.
Never appease a rebellious wife when she's just X number of arguments away from filing divorce.
I'm so glad I never did. It would've only prolonged the marriage, and I would had been in a worse off economic position had she waited until I made additional income.
As it was with the kids, my only preference would had been that she divorced me earlier.
Plus, it's likely that the long quarantine in Coronavirus would had finished us off, as we're seeing worldwide. And the worst part? Divorce courts are closed!