Sunday, August 30, 2020

Why have so many kids in a bad marriage?

Q: If I knew divorce was going to occur after 12 years of marriage, would I still had chosen to have children with my ex-wife?

or

Q: If you knew your marriage was so bad, why did you keep having more children?

One answer would be that even during that entire time of difficulty, I never presumed that my wife would file to divorce me.

I think in likelihood, it just didn't come to mind. I was married. I had money. She was ok having more children, and so was I. So why not?

(Because we would get divorced one day?) I don't think either one of us thought that.

Also, her biological clock was ticking. She was more than four years older than me when we got married.

An alternative way to think of it is to imagine a situation where we chose to not have children. Let's say, we decided to stop after the first child on the basis that we were unhappy with each other.

Let's say, that because of the lowered stress of raising just one child versus the four we had, we ended up staying married without divorce. The potential combinations are quite a bit.

One could argue that eventually my ex-wife would had become "woke", regardless of the number of children, and discovered that her Biblical "submission" to me, was in fact, Domestic Abuse.

Let's try some various outcomes.


OUTCOME 1: One child, stopped because she was unhaaaaapy, and divorced after child moves out of house.

WINNER: 4 children, divorced, remarried to happier woman, and have more children.


OUTCOME 2: One child, stopped because she was unhaaaaapy, and stayed married to misery until death.

WINNER: 4 children, divorced, remarried to happier woman, and have more children.


You get the idea.

There is also the reality that you can never predict should the Holy Spirit change the rebellious and foolish wife's heart.

If my objective was to have more children (which I would've been fine with if the first wife wanted to keep going. Her biological clock was perhaps the greater hindrance), then my first wife divorcing me and freeing me up to have more children with a much younger wife was doing me a favor.

In fact, I would had been better off if she divorced me earlier so that I could begin having children with my new wife at a younger age.

I cannot say that my 12 years of unhappy marriage with my first wife was a waste because I have four children to show for it. Before I know it, they will be adults, working with me on my homestead and real estate investments. Because I had children at such a young age, I will still have so many more years (God willing) to have numerous active and fun adventures.

Being able to ski with my daughters is so much more fun and fulfilling than me skiing by myself or my other bachelor friends. By having so many children at a young(ish) age, I will have many more years of enjoyment with them to come.

In terms of children and the divorce, I would had preferred having more or her filing divorce earlier.

Now, I am speaking from a place where I have monetary resources to afford numerous divorces and child support payments. I do not know if I would be having the same positive thinking should I have to stop making more children due to economic concerns.

I think on the whole, however, that I still defer to Psalm 127:3-5, ESV and pretty much every "traditional" society before it has been overrun by "Boomer" selfishness:

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,
    the fruit of the womb a reward.

Like arrows in the hand of a warrior
    are the children of one's youth.

Blessed is the man
    who fills his quiver with them!

He shall not be put to shame
    when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.

This will be especially the case when my children are manning the ramparts on our homestead for 2033. You could say it's in my blood.



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