Sunday, September 20, 2020

Others think I am weird and strange

The Kurgan said something last night while calling me a pussy that resonated with me. He talked about how he thought Vox Day was originally something bad because of the posts Vox Day wrote, until he realized, that's just how Vox Day's mind works. He simply observes. His writing on matters and his observance doesn't necessarily mean he approves of them. The Kurgan made sure Vox Day knew a piece of his mind and was perhaps featured on his blog (though I couldn't locate it personally with my search).

I am concerned about this, because if The Kurgan, for whom I respect as a fighter and being mentioned on so many occasions by the Dark Lord himself, made this error in judgment simply by the writings, then how much easier it must be for the far less intelligent to consider my behaviors and writing to be that of a crazy person.

Vox Day has said as such that with the Communications Gap of 2 SD of IQ that genius and crazy are indistinguishable for the midwits and average IQ.

From what I recall, Vox Day states his IQ is 150. Based on my SAT scores and descriptions of midwits (who have 115), I believe I fall around the 130 range. I am on the bottom cusp of being able to comprehend what Vox Day says without thinking he's absolutely insane. I am smart enough to recognize the stupidity of the midwits and immediately identify their flawed reasoning.

I suppose you can consider me a "bridge" to connect the midwits to the 150s of this world. I think Owen Benjamin fills this gap much better and even Milo Yiannopoulos. I am but an observer whose views on the world changes based on the best arguments presented. I don't claim for a second I have any original thought as whenever I come to a EUREKA moment, I discover someone had already written about the exact same conclusions I had come to.

The only thing I can really contribute is my absurd identity and experiences which grants me a unique perspective to write from. My life is the only life I know (I thought it was normal), and it has only been through time that I have realized there is literally no one I can directly relate to or who has shared similar experiences as me in total.

I self identify as a Christian, that is pro Western Civilization. But, I have no roots, or race to back it up. It is an entirely cognitive choice I make based on all the other worse options out there. All my Korean/Asian college, church acquaintances rightly see me as being strange for disavowing my ethnic heritage in direct contrast to their own in-group preferences.

Me deciding to fight it out in the United States for 2033 is me declaring that I want my bi-racial children to adopt the Western Civilization culture. They certainly won't be accepted by the Koreans, definitely not the Europeans, so Idaho it is.

Two additional occurrences recently happened which emphasized the "strangeness" of my behavior as perceived by Normies.


The first occurrence was me asking a simple question in the /r/Japan subreddit forum regarding my research into the Japanese pedophile culture. The post has since been deleted, but here is my question, and you will see the responses.

To me this seemed like a simple question, but for the vast majority of users in that forum, they thought I wanted to know about it so I could gain permission to actually do it. Lower posts answered the question honestly without assuming I was only asking the question because I wanted to partake in the action myself. These were the kinds of answers I was looking for.

Now granted, this is Reddit. AND the subreddit of Japan, so in hindsight, the immediate finger pointing and screeching should not be too surprising. I'm picturing numerous furry fans with hair dyed an unnatural hair color. As Vox Day's 2nd rule applies, "SJW's Always Project."

Still, I have not been on Facebook really posting for about two years and have generally been disconnected with these kind of imbecilic people, so it was mildly funny. Also, after the 2016 Presidential election, most of my more triggered prone "friends" unfollowed me. Perhaps you can also add "Gammas Always Project" and stupid people always project. Maybe everyone projects a little.


The other incident relates to me creating a blog documenting and communicating my investigation toward my ex-wife's church aiding her in the unbiblical divorce and theft of my children.

There are multiple components why me creating seems insane:

  1. Most people don't know how easy and cheap ($14.99/year) it is to buy domain names
  2. Most people don't know how easy and cheap (free) it is to link the domain with Google Analytics and Tumblr
  3. Most people find it incredibly difficult and time consuming to write blogs.
  4. Most people are part of the Social Hierarchy and would be concerned about ostracism

Just like The Kurgan and Vox Day, those who know me, know that these are things I just do for fun and are easy for me to do. I have been writing fairly extensively even in a diary form since high school. If you take my writings since high school until the end of 2017 (1999 - 2017), which spans about 18 years, you would have a book with 127,048 words. The average adult book is 90,000 words.

I wasn't even consistently writing during that time either because I was also recording podcasts onto YouTube for a short time as well. If you transcribed those as well, it would be quite a bit longer.

Also, it's not as though I haven't created web pages for other people who have wronged me in the past either. I have made numerous YouTube videos for various other organizations and individuals calling them out.

This is just what I do for fun.

For them to do what I did seems like pure madness because of the amount of effort and expense they would have to do if they were to do the same things I did.


Ever since a child, I've always had a knack for detecting bullshit. I won't go into all the examples, but will jump to after my two years in Active Duty, Air Force (now that was a bullshit cluster!).

When I started running hotels in 2007 near Disneyland, California, my job was primarily calling people out on their bullshit. Bullshit from my managers. Bullshit from customers. Bullshit from vendors. Bullshit from employees. A constant stream of bullshit that was my job to call bullshit on.

Many of the churches I went to in that area I found I simply could not relate to them. I was a business owner. I was the boss. Because I was the primary bullshit caller, I was also the one who had to tell the truth. Liars would hate me for it because I would unapologetically call them on their bullshit and actually get quite angry that they thought I was dumb enough to fall for their bullshit.

And so, when I went to these churches and found myself surrounded by more bullshit, liars, and fake people, I could not connect with them. I had no time for that, and I had plenty of bullshit I had to deal with at work.

During my entire time in Orange County, CA, which spanned about 10 years, I didn't really connect with other truth tellers. An entire area of fake, plastic liars more concerned about maintaining their image than speaking truth. There were a handful that I recognized as truth speakers: an organizer of LAN parties (who owned his own business), my neighbor who was a sniper in the Vietnam War, one of my managers who was a Sri Lankan immigrant, and a Christian Nationalist who introduced me to Vox Day (involved in a family business, so quasi business owner like me).

To illustrate how fake these churches were, I will refer to the Orange County plant, Mars Hill Church which was headed by Mark Driscoll. Though not necessarily reflective of the Seattle culture, in Orange County, people would tell me how shocked they would be to hear how brutally truthful and honest I was in the small groups when the men and women split off. Considering a lot of them work in corporations, government, or salespeople, I suppose I could understand they aren't used to being around people who speak truth.

Why would I beat around the bush? We're in a small group. I don't give a shit what these guys think of me nor the reputation I need to maintain. I never cared what anyone thought about me. Why would I start now in these small groups where we were under the blood of Christ? Logos. Truth. Light. Grace.

I have never needed the Social Hierarchy to be successful. I had contempt for the Social Hierarchy in churches because they were always built on lies that consisted of these bizarre rituals that seemed to have no clear benefit except boosting someone's ego. For what reason would I want to compromise myself and suffer with fake people and lies more than I need to?

It probably wasn't until I reached Puerto Rico where I started meeting people who were independently wealthy and simply spoke truth. Pretty much all of them aren't Christian, but they are not at all uncomfortable speaking about things as the way they are.

Now the flip side of being independently wealthy and not giving a fuck about other's opinions means that generally, we are not as driven to create a new social hierarchy of truth speakers. We just kind of do our own things, and every once in a while we will have a meetup where we don't feel like we need to bullshit to each other to impress one another.

Still, of all the people that I know, none of them write blogs like I do. To be fair, it seems most of my independently wealthy acquaintances in Puerto Rico just post on Facebook, and allow Facebook be their de-facto blog. Because of my contempt for Facebook, I can't gather the effort to restart posting there, and in any case, most of my posts are infused with Christian ideology which they reject anyway.

I haven't found anyone on the island that regularly reads Vox Day's blog.

What has the cost been for me to reject social hierarchies or to even outright call them out? I get kicked out, and it has absolutely no impact on my life whatsoever.

Where are all the people in my past that I have called out as liars and deceivers?

A blip in my past that has absolutely no bearing for my current family today or their future. When I get to Idaho, I will definitely be making much more effort to create connections in the community.

My rejection of Social Hierarchies was very difficult for my ex-wife during our marriage. I think Vox Day talks about this with wives who are married to Sigmas. My ex-wife wasn't very happy that I would essentially nuke every church we went to or that I would become eventually disgusted with (for their lack of truthfulness, I realize now). Eventually, she ended up going to churches on her own because I figured it was better for me to not "rock the boat" with my discerning mind to call out bullshit.

We know how that turned out for me. I suppose if I cared more about keeping a foolish, rebellious, woman who hates the truth, I could be criticized. But, in fact, they did me a favor and I'm much better off without her.

I acknowledge I could be held responsible for not leading her better, but it's clear by now that she's always hated the Truth and was never teachable with the degree she completely destroyed her own life and continues to do so now. The rest of her life will be a testament to how unteachable she was and will continue to be.

I can already hear all the soyboys out there reading my post, shaking their head saying how sorry they feel for me and that I must be so lonely. That's them, once again, projecting.

I have not found my mental state really deteriorate since the Quarantine in mid March. My only annoyance is that I can't train BJJ and travel with my new, nubile wife. But other than that, it's freed me up much more time to write in my blog, focus on work, and plan for my compound in Idaho.

Of course, I am a freak. I'm certainly not "normal." Normies think I'm crazy. I understand their perception of me better. It makes me want to interact with them even less. I want to be left alone to pursue the things that interest me, make me money, and provide a future for my children.

I long to be on my homestead compound where I can raise my children in peace, in Truth, and to prepare for 2033.


  1. A long introspective monologue. That is a gamma tell. Admission of failure and defeat leads me to the conclusion of low delta with gamma tendencies. There is nothing here that screams sigma.

    1. If you find yourself getting kicked out of circles, you're more gamma than you want to believe. Sigmas do not get kicked out.

    2. You are literally on my blog. Long introspective monologues on my own blog are expected, just as Owen Benjamin having long, introspective monologues, are expected on his stream. It would be a tell if I did these on Vox's or Owen's stream.

    3. "Admission of failure and defeat leads me to the conclusion of low delta with gamma tendencies."

      That makes no sense. You clearly don't know Vox Day's definitions of these terms you're using.

    4. "Sigmas do not get kicked out."

      Leave on their own accord. Lose interest. Be placed in high, church leadership positions and speak truth causing a rupture with the Leadership. Got fired. Or quit before they could be fired. Whatever.

      Yes. It absolutely happens. Vox Day got fired from working with his father's business.

    5. You invited me here as well as to give input by virtue of your title. It is clear "you decide" wasn't your honest expectation.

      What does secret king mean? Your admission of failure and rejection is a strong argument against being a gamma. Your inability to connect those dots is not my short coming.

      Getting fired definitely happens, in practice, that is not the same thing as ejection from a social circle. His father fired him, he didn't disown him.

      It is clear from your posts, responses, and additional posts, you care a great deal about whether or not you are perceived as a gamma.


    6. I will grant the title was click-batey and gamma-like.

    7. I also recognize the impossible nature of our discussion since we have a disproportionate amount of information compounded by my imprecise language in the limited posts you have read.

      The title is not fair, and I have changed it. Thanks for helping me come to that realization.

  2. The problem with people like us is, we can't just turn it off and be normal, even if we understand "normal" and can fake it briefly.

    Vox's stereotypes are amusing and somewhat useful, but they break down trying to analyze an individual too hard. I also think that introverts, Omegas and Sigmas are not as well described. Omegas and Sigmas can be seen as defective, and there are a variety of different ways to be defective. That makes them inherently harder to describe in detail.

    1. MMmm. . . like putting an a skin suit to fake being human like the others in the SSH.

  3. Regardless of SSH rank, you are only vulnerable to rhetorical attacks to the extent you fail to serve Christ.